I Will Not Try Your Sex Cone
by Aria52
Summary: It all started with Rangiku wanting to go to Hawaii for a quick stop, but when bets follow because of a slip-up, odd things happen HitsuMatsu, HitsuUnknown, rated T for make-out scene, and please R&R XD


**So...inspiration hit me when i was on wikipedia and looking to see if there was anyone famous with hitsugaya's or rangiku's names...**

**and i found out about a place that i mentioned here**

**i have never been to this place, but i figured rangiku would freak out if she found out about it, don't ask how they can speak english or anything like that**

**also, this only has a make-out scene, so despite the title, it is not M rated**

**everything in here i wanted to happen, but some may seem a bit...very rushed**

**anyways, enjoy  
**

* * *

"Taicho!" He looked at Rangiku.

"What is it, Matsumoto?" He asked.

"Come on, we're going to Hawaii!" He blinked as she grabbed his arm.

"Why, exactly, are we going to Hawaii?" She knew that he didn't like beaches.

"I want to go try something in Haleiwa." She said, he couldn't stop her from dragging him, "I even got permission for us to go."

"And what is it you wanted to try?" He asked, she remained silent and they ran out the already-open gate, a pair of gigai were waiting for them, "You planned this too well." He stated.

"But, I really want to try it, look." She pointed to a store; people were eating snow cones out of odd cups with wide rims.

He raised an eyebrow and she pulled him into the place.

Almost instantly he knew the reason she wanted to try it.

"Okay…should I get the Matsumoto-style combination or what I actually want?" She asked Hitsugaya.

"Get what you actually want." He said.

"Fine, but I'm getting a shirt too." He took the chance to look around, there were many snacks, shirts, key-chains, and other such stuff crammed into the small shop.

She started looking at the various shirts.

He sighed, this was Hawaii and he couldn't get away with calling her by her last name.

"Rangiku." She looked up in surprise, he pointed at a pile of white shirts.

Her eyes widened and she grabbed one.

"It's a maneki neko." She squealed, looking at it.

And indeed, it was the cat, on a white tank top was a maneki neko of traditional colors, but it was licking a snow cone and had a sign common around the shop instead of a kobon, underneath it said Matsumoto Shave Ice and under that was Hawaii.

She grabbed a shirt in her size and a cell phone strap that had a snow cone on it with a small pink flower and a tag that said Matsumoto's.

Then they got in line.

It wasn't too bad, when they got up Rangiku immediately ordered.

"A large strawberry, vanilla, and cherry." She said, looking at the flavors.

The person nodded and typed it in.

"What do you want, taicho?" She asked, he rolled his eyes.

"I'll just take a small watermelon." He said, she frowned.

"Make it a large." She said to the person who shrugged and typed it in, she handed over the stuff to be purchased and then paid; soon they were walking out with their snow cones.

"So, now that you've tried it, are you happy?" Hitsugaya asked.

"No." She said, frowning.

"Why?" He turned to her.

"You haven't tried yours." He rolled his eyes and ate a little, she smiled.

"So…why those three?" He asked.

"Simple." She said, they were headed back to soul society by now, "Cherry is another word for virgin." She said, he turned bright red, "Everyone I know calls it strawberry after it's taken…" He was coughing in surprise, "And vanilla is very useful in those situations." She grinned at him, "Something wrong, taicho?" She asked.

"No…I was thinking that strawberry was for Kurosaki." She turned red now.

"Why would I do that?" He shrugged and took another bite of his, "Do you want to try it?" She asked.

"I will not try your sex cone." He stated.

Her eyes widened and a second later she burst out laughing.

Which was an odd sight for everyone around who wasn't staring at Hitsugaya for when he said his line-and yes, that was everyone who heard it.

Hitsugaya just took another bite of his and walked into his office.

He would never live this down.

"They really should have sake as a flavor." Rangiku stated, frowning.

"No, they shouldn't." He said, sitting down at his desk and going back to the paperwork.

He would absently take a spoonful and take a bite while signing everything.

Rangiku grinned and walked over; switching them out as he took a bite so he could put the spoon in on his own, she took a spoonful of his.

It actually wasn't that bad.

He took another spoonful and put it in his mouth…

His eyes widened and he spit it into the trash.

"Aw, I'm hurt." She said, putting his back.

"That's too sweet, Matsumoto." He said, glaring at her.

"Aw, aren't you supposed to love sweets?" She asked innocently, he glared.

She laughed nervously.

He glared more.

"You put sake into it." He stated, she grinned.

"You know the taste of sake?" She asked.

He looked back at her then turned to his paperwork.

"Who got you drunk, taicho?" She asked, slightly hurt.

He didn't reply.

"Was it Hinamori?" She asked.

"Taichos don't get drunk, Matsumoto." He said.

"Wanna bet?" She asked.

"Depends on the bet." He said, she smirked at the unexpected reply.

"I bet that I could drink at least one of the taichos under the table." She said.

He seemed to be thinking it over.

"What do you bet?" He asked.

"An hour of the loser doing absolutely everything the winner wants, no objections." She said, he seemed to be thinking over something.

"Fine." She grinned and they shook hands.

"I'm gonna go talk to Yamamoto-soutaicho." She rushed off as Hitsugaya wondered what he had just done.

But she did say no objections, and if he could write up paperwork for her to sign saying she would always do her paperwork or…he had to think of a good punishment, but still.

He had to wonder how he actually compared with Rangiku at drinking…but he had out-drunk Kenpachi and Urahara when they had him over-though that was due to excessive puking on their parts and not passing out.

The next day he noticed an odd flyer in his pile.

"Dammit, why'd she have to invite everyone?" He asked, it mentioned that captains were required to participate but anyone could join, and…the prize was…

"Matsumoto!" He cried, she came in.

"Yes, taicho?" She asked.

"Why is the prize a date with me?" He asked, eye twitching, "I did not agree to it, plus, that wouldn't bring in anyone anyways." She grinned.

"You, taicho, need a date, and that's why." She said.

"And if I happen to win?" She asked.

"You won't, it will actually most likely be Kenpachi or Unohana." She said, "It always has been." He frowned.

"Actually…" She turned to see Kenpachi, "The kid beat me a few years ago." Her eyes widened and she looked at him, he looked away.

"Aw, I thought your getting drunk story would be interesting." She said.

"No, just disgusting, and not because of the puke." She blinked when Kenpachi turned bright red.

"Do tell." She stated.

"Only if you change the prize." He stated.

"Too late for that, it's all over Seireitei." She said.

"Matsumoto!" Every last person in soul society heard.

And every last person in Seireitei knew the reason.

Hitsugaya took a breath.

"Just promise me Urahara will not be allowed in." He said, Rangiku blinked in surprise.

"Okay." He nodded and put the page aside, working on the rest, "Though…Yoruichi-san wants a disguise so she can join in." He rolled his eyes.

"She's the one that left." He stated, Kenpachi wondered how they knew.

"So, why do captains have to join?" He asked, Hitsugaya gave her a look then turned back to his work.

"I have a bet with taicho that involves drinking captains under the table." She stated, grinning, Kenpachi grinned as well.

"Betting tables, good idea, keep me updated on the contestants, I'll have to ask around to see what everyone thinks the odds are." He stated.

"Will do." She said, he walked out as Renji, Kira, Hisagi, Yumichika, and Ikkaku walked in, "Yes?" She asked.

"Sign us up for the free sake!" Renji exclaimed.

She grinned and wrote down their names.

By the end of the week, all but four fukutaichos were signed up as well as many lower ranked members.

And the 10th division was filled with crates of sake.

The four fukutaichos not in it had been asked to make sure things kept going with the promise of free reign over the leftover sake-and two tons of candy for Yachiru-which with twenty crates a person, there should be plenty.

The large group sat around the table, waiting for the last few people, when they came, everyone gathered-too many people to stay in the tenth division, so they were on top of Soukyoku hill and plenty had gathered to watch, after all, they had all bet on someone.

Though not one watching bet on Hitsugaya.

There was a mysterious bet from earth on him and the temporarily pardoned Shihouin Yoruichi, also on him were the bets from Kenpachi and the small one he placed on himself-his main bets were actually on the two Kurotsuchis as they were bound to have some sort of trick, and he was the only one who bet on them, surprisingly-it wasn't that he thought he should win, he just felt everyone should place at least a little on themselves.

And he made sure he had a cup of water next to him that would be refilled to fend off the hangover he had last time.

No one else bothered.

Everyone took the shot in front of them and the next round was poured.

It was that simple.

Shot after shot, they went, by the time it got to the point where everyone had half a crate, only taichos, fukutaichos, Yoruichi, Yumichika, and Ikkaku remained.

Half a crate turned into a full crate and a single crate turned to two.

Everyone but captains, Matsumoto and her drinking group, Yoruichi, and Kurotsuchi Nemu were out by that point.

And the ones of the group who had the least votes-him and the Kurotsuchis-were the only ones not acting like idiots in some way, shape, or form.

Then, to his distress, Byakuya passed out.

"Told you!" Rangiku declared, jumping out of her seat and pointing to Hitsugaya.

She held her head as she tried not to fall.

"Dammit, now I really have to win." Hitsugaya said.

Maybe he was just a little intoxicated.

"Oh?" Asked Yoruichi, "An why would ya hav a problem with Byakuya-boy not bein able to hold his liquor?" She asked, slurring her words a bit.

"A bet." He said, everyone was shocked that he'd make a bet, "There goes the contracts." Rangiku's eyes widened.

"You were going to make me sign contracts?" She asked, surprisingly able to say all of that, then she looked down and tried to sit down without falling over.

"Yes, you said whatever, no objections, and that would be a great way to actually get you to do your job." She did fall over because of that.

"No fair!" She exclaimed, he shrugged.

After a while, it was down to Hitsugaya, Mayuri, Kenpachi, Unohana, and Nemu.

And Hitsugaya was wincing at the hangover he knew he'd have.

He looked at the crates, how many were left?

Too many.

Just like how many captains he saw.

He didn't care which ones were sitting in front of him, he just knew there shouldn't be thirty captains.

Especially not with all of them falling over, ten at a time.

He closed his eyes to try to keep from following them in falling then looked around.

No captains left sitting.

But…there were still ten people sitting with him…

He grabbed his water glass and downed it.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Then he opened them to see one Nemu across from him and no other opponents.

He grabbed his drink and downed that easily.

He could do it, he was one person away…

Was that an awake Kuchiki Byakuya?

Had it really been that long?

Just how much sake had he had?

He tried to count but his head started hurting when he got to twenty crates…or was it five?

So he stopped.

He took the next drink and wondered just what it was Nemu used to keep from getting drunk.

**I don't know, but I won't be satisfied till you drink enough to collapse.** He knew that all too well.

Still, the voice rang through his head, triggering part of the hangover.

He clutched his head in pain.

"Dammit, Hyorinmaru, shut up." He murmured, suddenly sober from the pain.

He took another drink and grinned when Nemu couldn't take hers, there were cheers.

Everyone that had woken up-and Hitsugaya-clutched their heads in pain at the noise and they quieted when the area around them started to get colder.

He tried to push himself up but stopped, even if his mind was partially sober, his body was asleep from barely moving and filled with the intoxicating liquid.

He drank more of his water and tried to stand again, Hinamori-despite her headache-went to help him.

He remembered Kenpachi's deal regarding if a person got second or third.

If the person you bet on got second, the amount you got was cut in half.

If the person you bet on got third, you got a third of what you were supposed to be paid.

And his three bets got first second and third if he was right about the order those three had fallen.

He took a step off the hill and the moment of soberness granted by his zanpakuto failed him.

He fell asleep.

And he fell to the ground, dragging Hinamori with him unintentionally.

Hinamori picked him up and pulled him to the 10th division as it was actually closest, when she got there she was glad he kept two couches in his office(Don't believe me? Check Bleach episode 105, there's at least two chairs, and since the corners shown are even I'm saying they're both couches XD) and set him on one, collapsing on the other and falling asleep.

Hitsugaya woke up later and actually cried out in pain.

He absolutely hated the fact that he had trained his ears this sensitive…

He carefully got off the couch and looked around with squinted eyes.

It was his office.

That was good.

He made it over to his desk and opened the top drawer, seeing a pill bottle he had put there just in case Rangiku had somehow gotten him to drink and taking the specialty painkillers with the water he always left on his desk.

He glanced over to the couches and saw Hinamori on one; he shook his head, brought the curtains over the window, and grabbed the blanket from the closet, placing it over her with a small smile.

He went to his desk and started signing the papers.

An hour later, Hinamori woke up, she clutched her head and the blanket, looked down at the blanket with wide eyes, checked to see if her clothes were on-which was slightly amusing, and then looked around the office.

"Shiro-chan?" She asked.

"Don't call me Shiro." He said at just the right level for her to hear but not get a splitting headache.

"Didn't you have more drinks than me?" She asked, noticing his obvious lack of hangover.

In response he tossed her a bottle of water and a bottle of pills.

"Don't mention it to anyone else." He said, she looked at it and took the appropriate amount of pills with some water before tossing them back to him.

"Thanks…" She said, he nodded as she cuddled into the blanket.

"Taicho!" He watched as the office door slammed open.

"What is it, Matsumoto?" He asked.

She looked at him, obviously wondering why he wasn't in pain from her outburst.

"Are you ready to pay up for the bet?" She asked.

"After Hinamori wakes up naturally and leaves." He stated.

Rangiku frowned and nodded.

"Any idea how long that will take?" She asked.

"No idea." He said, "But please be quiet." She frowned even more but went to her desk, deciding to do paperwork till the other girl left.

Minutes later Kenpachi walked in, grudgingly handed over a huge pile of money, and went to the door.

"I know that wasn't a prize." She said, looking at the pile.

"He bet on the first, second, and third place winners." Kenpachi stated, rubbing his head, "Damn boy was the only one who expected anything from the Kurotsuchis surprisingly." He said, Rangiku blinked.

"Do you think they did something to keep going?" She asked her taicho, he shrugged.

"I know that I kept Hyorinmaru from doing that with me." They blinked.

"Wait, what?" Rangiku asked.

"Hyorinmaru wanted to steal all the effects of alcohol from my system but I didn't let him." He said, "I had a feeling it was against the rules." He said.

"You remember all the people who passed out before Kuchiki-taicho?" She asked, he nodded, "They did the same thing." He blinked in surprise.

He shook his head.

"So, everyone else was storing the alcohol in their zanpakuto until the spirit got too drunk?" They nodded, "How's a hung over Hai Neko?" He asked, Rangiku winced.

"Speaking of which, how the hell are you not hung over?" Kenpachi asked.

Hitsugaya shrugged while Hinamori sat up, yawning.

Rangiku grinned.

"Shiro-chan, do you have any food?" She asked as if it were normal to wake up in the 10th division.

With no sign of a hangover.

"Yeah, hold on a sec." He said and went to the closet, he went to the lower parts of the closet that Rangiku wouldn't touch-they had an unspoken agreement that he had the lower shelves and she had the higher ones with mutual items in the middle-and grabbed a bag of chips, he tossed it over to the fukutaicho and she nodded in thanks.

"Did anything…" Rangiku started.

"As far as I know she would fit into the most innocent part of that snow cone the other day." Hitsugaya said, Rangiku turned bright red as the two outside of the 10th division looked confused.

"What does that mean?" Hinamori asked, Hitsugaya just shook his head and went back to that which ruined his every day.

Paperwork.

"Anyways, taicho has to keep up his end of the bet." Rangiku said, Hitsugaya paled, and those two wondered at the meaning once again.

"Um…I'll be going then." Hinamori stated.

Kenpachi left as well, shutting the door, Rangiku started the timer.

"Now, first thing's first, tell me how you don't have a hangover." She said, he rolled his eyes and tossed her a near-empty pill bottle, there were three.

"When did you get these?" She asked.

"After the trip to earth with Zaraki-taicho." He shuddered with that.

"What happened there, anyways?" He just gave her a look as she took two of the pills and gulped down his water, "Just tell me."

"Well, first, that was Hinamori's water bottle." Her eyes widened, not because of his comment but because that meant Hinamori had used the pills as well, "And second…I believe I left when he and Urahara started ripping off each other's clothes." She coughed violently, "Happy?" He asked.

"Not until you get me some of these pills, they're amazing." She stated.

"Special-made by a person who died last year." He said, she frowned.

"We'll have to find out how he made them." Hitsugaya nodded as he was handed back the bottle and put it in his drawer while not opening it enough to show the nearly-full bottle, "Okay, have you ever given someone a foot massage?" He glared at her, "I'll take that as a no, okay, I'll have to teach you." He rolled his eyes and took off her tabi as she had already removed her wariji, then he let his hands run along the foot, rubbing the foot gently.

He stopped when he heard Rangiku moan.

"What are you doing? Continue!" She ordered, he rolled his eyes yet again and continued.

Cursing Byakuya all the while.

After he was done with the second foot, he glanced at the clock.

Good, not too much longer, he had taken his time and Rangiku had no problems with that.

Rangiku looked at it too and frowned.

"You did that on purpose." He shrugged, she sighed and sat up.

She put a hand in his hair, causing him to jump back.

"Hey, I just want to know if it's as soft as it looks." She said, he sighed and walked over, allowing her to stroke his hair.

A few things would be good to note at this time.

Rangiku really liked soft things.

Hitsugaya's hair was freakishly soft.

Hitsugaya's hair was also freakishly sensitive.

So as she stroked his hair, allowing her nails to run along his scalp very gently, he was trying not to go off of that.

She watched his face; eyes closed, and came to a decision.

She ran her hand along the back of his head, and a second later pushed his lips to her own.

His eyes widened as she ran a tongue along his mouth to ask permission into his mouth.

And he allowed it, though whether it was because of the bet or because he wanted to be kissed, she would never know.

She did know that as soon as she let her tongue fight with his, any doubt about her original plan for this hour went out the window.

Both hands immediately started to take off his haori and he moved his arms to allow it, as she took off the haori, he undid the clasp that she didn't know existed on the strap that held Hyorinmaru in place-the only real reason she hadn't gone for that first.

She wrapped her arms around him and when he did the same to her, brought her legs around his waist; wanting to go somewhere other than the desk and knowing that he could carry her.

He got the message and carried her to the couch he had been sleeping on earlier, maintaining the make-out session.

She pulled his kusode off of him with his shitagi, staring at his chest for a second.

It was perfectly muscled for his size with only a few scars.

The alarm went off.

Hitsugaya pulled back and went to his desk.

Her eyes widened, wasn't he just…

"I already told you, Matsumoto." She looked at him, "I will not try your sex cone." He had somehow already fixed his shitagi and kusode and was now putting on his haori.

She let tears come to her eyes.

"Is there something wrong with me?" She asked, he looked up and walked over; he wiped a tear from her eye.

"No, there are a few reasons." She looked at him.

"Care to explain?" She asked, he sighed.

"First is your friends, they'd kill me." Well…that was true, "And I don't want your cherry to be taken by a person like me." She briefly wondered what he meant by 'a person like me' but allowed her embarrassment at him knowing she was a virgin take over, "Then there's the fact that I'm just worthless trash." Hadn't she just proved otherwise, "There's the fact that I already feel bad enough for kissing you when I have a boyfriend." Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped, he went to grab his zanpakuto, "And I suppose the most important reason…" He looked at her, when she could finally think again, "Is this." He reached above his head and pulled down a mask that was a weird mix of black, clear, and the pale white of hollows in the form of a dragon.

As she stared at him, he vanished.

His last words lingering of that.

"And for those reasons, I will not try your sex cone."

* * *

**And yes, hitsugaya just left his boyfriend.**

**anyways, if you think about it, a person's reiatsu is filled with the element of their zanpakuto, kurotsuchi would have poison and last a long time XD kenpachi is just crazy and forcing drunkeness on his zanpakuto that he can't talk to, nemu is artificially made, and hitsugaya's reiatsu would constantly clean out his system**

**also, even though it's never even stated, i figure i should give an explanation on something**

**yumichika was constantly stealing people's tolerance to sake whether he intended to or not, meaning bye bye yoruichi XD keep that in mind before you go yelling at me saying that things didn't add up  
**


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